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A Note To The Mothers

I've spent enough time warning about the relinquishers (and, in some surprising cases, BSE mothers) who have a hidden agenda. There's really no need to pay them further attention.

With this being such a difficult season for biofamilies and particularly adoptees, I wanted to spread a little kindness, something I do not often do, and something I intend to do more of.

To the mothers that own their shit:

I appreciate you. No, really, I do. You're like a breath of fresh air in a nasty smoky room. 

As Adoptees, taking good hard looks at ourselves isn't much of an option. Every conversation, every valid point, can be cause for deep self reflection. When your sense of self is cut in half in infancy, who I am can become an unattainable answer.

It's nice to see the same level of self reflection in you. The fact that you have the courage to own your actions in the current adoptee climate... Well, that takes some guts. I would liken it to looking at the worst, ugliest face you have, and saying, yes, that's me too.

I know it's not easy to look at it in yourself, because, while I've never relinquished a child, I have done some horrible things. And I know it can't be easy to look at it in us.

This tide is not easy to stand against. It's not easy to be. Sometimes we are so hurt and abjectly alone, sometimes so angry and downright damn cruel...

But you stand there. You hold your head up and you take our hands, and you say, I'm sorry this hurts you. You sit down with us in the shadow and ask to help. You lift up our voices with your peers, even when we are in the dark and it hurts to listen. You want to help, I can see it in you and I appreciate it.

Some of you advocate for us this way. Some of you call congressmen and senators and write letters. Mostly you give us an example that you DO care, you DO want to repair the damage, and WE are real and valid people who aren't wrong about having been psychologically crucified in infancy.

Thank you for that. I know it's not easy some days.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I recently deleted my Facebook, but I just want to say that I appreciate you and your voice so very much. You are a good human.

  3. Thank you for acknowledging that there are some of us that own our shit, that defend adoptees that survived hell in the hands of their adopters and lend their voices in support of adoptees having the right to healing process in whatever way they need to do so.


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